The pocket-watch read 2:00 AM in the dim gas lighting, the shimmering hands etched out at a shy angle. He was still asleep, and the intruder sat at the foot of the bed, the small silver scissors clenched loosely between the fingers of her left hand; a handful of long blond hair hung floorwards in her right. The young entrepreneur would awaken in the morning, his once long hair cropped, his riches gone, and possessing nothing more than the memories of the beautiful speakeasy queen, and a hastily scrawled note on his bedside table, bearing a lipstick stain.
I'm so sorry.
~Dee
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I like this. For some reason, samson and delilah kept popping into my head as I read this. The letter at the end and "he was still asleep and the intruder sat at the foot of the bed" are really powerful techniques.
ReplyDeletei like it.
ReplyDeleteit's gewd.
nice paragraphs.
(no srsly, this is really good -- is this part of a pre-existing story, or is it just a snippet? either way it's awesome.)
Whoah it is kind of like Samson and Delilah. Kind of an homage.
ReplyDeleteReally interesting. And I mean that in a good way, not in the "Oh gee what neutral adjective can I assign this to not let them know it bores me without lying"....way.
Love love love the first two sentences.
sam+del+20s=<3
ReplyDeletenuff said